The Time I Went to the Wrong Funeral
I may have been at the wrong funeral, but at least my hair looked good through both of them.
Let me begin by saying that I did not intend to crash a stranger’s funeral.
My friends Marcus and Alyssa volunteered with our youth group for years. Marcus was even the other adult in my Sunday school classroom, so when someone who had been incredibly important in his life passed away, I wanted to be there to support him and his family.
The service was going to be graveside in Temple at 1:30 in the afternoon. I’m not very familiar with the funeral homes and cemeteries there because Joey usually drives me to funerals. But this time, I decided I could handle it on my own.
Narrator: She could not, in fact, handle it on her own.
I arrived a few minutes before 1:30, parked, and started walking toward the graveside service. But when I got there, they were already well into the funeral.
My first thought was, Oh my gosh, am I late?
Then I noticed the family wearing Texas Longhorn orange. Marcus is a huge Texas fan, so I thought, Well, this has to be his family. Maybe they’re all Longhorns.
That was all the confirmation I apparently needed.
I walked up and stood near the tent. I wasn’t family, so I didn’t get underneath it, and I was already trying not to make myself any more noticeable than I had by walking into the middle of the service.
As I stood there listening, I started looking around.
I didn’t know a single person.
Not one.
Now, when I told Joey this story, he asked the obvious question: “Why didn’t you just turn around and go back to your car?”
Because I had already interrupted the funeral by walking up. I was standing there in full view of everyone. Walking away felt even ruder. I couldn’t just arrive late to a stranger’s funeral, stand there for a few minutes, decide it wasn’t for me, and leave.
So, I stayed.
Everyone kept looking back at me, and I just smiled politely like I belonged there.
Thankfully, I was dressed completely in black, my hair was in an updo, and I looked put together enough that maybe they assumed I worked with the funeral home. I didn’t have a name tag or any actual funeral-home responsibilities, but at that point, all I had left was confidence.
There was one more detail working against me: it was prom season, and I had been doing several spray tans. My hands were stained with spray-tan solution. So there I stood at a stranger’s graveside service, dressed in black, hair done, smiling nervously, with suspiciously orange hands.
Honestly, I probably matched the Longhorn theme better than anyone.
When the service ended, someone walked over and asked how I knew the person who had passed.
And how exactly do you explain that?
“Actually, I don’t. I’m just your friendly neighborhood funeral crasher.”
They began telling me about the person, and then they asked me to sign the guest book. I honestly cannot remember whether I signed it. I would love to know what that family thought when they looked through the names later.
Was I a secret mistress?
A long-lost relative?
The wealthy aunt nobody had met?
Sadly for them, I was none of the above. I was simply at the wrong funeral.
Then, just before it ended, I saw Alyssa pull up. Marcus arrived too, and they started getting ready for the actual funeral—the one I had intended to attend.
Alyssa’s boys asked, “Did you know that person?”
“No,” I told them. “I did not know that person. But I couldn’t walk away because that felt rude.”
I told them I thought their service started at 1:30 and it was now getting close to 2:30.
Apparently, the first funeral had been running behind, which pushed theirs back.
Everyone who belonged at the second funeral knew about the delay.
I did not get that notification.
So, yes, I attended two graveside funerals that afternoon: one for a complete stranger and one for the person I had actually come to honor.
And because the sun moved while I was attending my accidental bonus funeral, I got sunburned during the second one.
But here is the good news: my hair held up through both funerals.
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Hopefully, your day will not include crashing a stranger’s funeral.
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