The Fire Juggler of H-E-B

The Window Chronicles: The Fire Juggler of H-E-B

There are certain things you expect to see while doing hair in Central Texas.

Coffee cups. Grocery bags. Someone aggressively pushing a Target cart with one squeaky wheel. Maybe a person running late carrying a rotisserie chicken like it’s a medical emergency.

What you do not expect to see while doing extensions is a man casually setting objects on fire in the H-E-B parking lot.

But here we are.

A few months ago, Kristin was in my chair for her regular appointment. We were doing the usual — color, extension move-up, catching up on life — when I happened to glance out the salon window.

Now for context: my salon sits across from H-E-B and Target. There’s a large parking lot in front of my salon, a street between us, and then the H-E-B parking lot. So, when I say I can see things from my window… I mean I can really see things from my window.

And on this particular day, I noticed a van parked in the H-E-B parking lot facing toward my salon.

A man stepped out.

At first, I couldn’t tell what he was holding. It looked like two batons? Two sticks? Maybe pool noodles for people with anger issues?

Then he lit both ends on fire.

Naturally.

At this point, the H-E-B security officer starts slowly making his way toward him — not in a dramatic “stop right there” way, but more in a cautious “sir… what exactly are we doing today?” kind of walk.

Meanwhile, this man proceeds to start twirling flaming batons around like we accidentally wandered into an off-brand Cirque du Soleil rehearsal.

So, I immediately tell Kristin, “You have to get up and look at this.”

Now granted, I’m 6 feet 2 inches tall and can see out that window pretty easily. Kristin is more normal human height, so there was a little chair maneuvering involved. But once she stood up and looked out the window, we both just stood there watching this entire performance unfold in complete silence.

The man finishes the fire act.

Puts the flames out.

Then — because apparently the show must go on — he pulls out bowling pins and starts juggling those too.

First two.

Then three.

A full performance.

Right there in the H-E-B parking lot.

Like this was a completely reasonable way to spend an afternoon.

And honestly? He was pretty good.

When the show ended, he calmly packed everything back into his van, shook the security officer’s hand, got in his vehicle, and drove away like nothing unusual had happened.

To this day, Kristin and I still talk about it during appointments.

We still don’t know if he was:

• Stretching his legs after a long drive

• Practicing for a talent competition

• Auditioning for the circus

• Going through something emotionally

• Or simply choosing chaos

And for the record — the circus was not in town.

Which somehow makes the whole thing even funnier.

People think hairstylists only hear stories all day.

What they don’t realize is sometimes we’re also accidentally front-row witnesses to the weirdest live entertainment imaginable.

Honestly, this salon window deserves its own reality show.